[Please and thank you for "Gemma Black and White." March 3. A little over 5 months. 22 weeks. 156 days. That's $1.30 a day. I think I'm worth $1.30 a day, don't you?]
We are currently discussing historical changes that have drastically affected the American family in Contemporary Social Issues. This past Friday we "discussed" birth control and Roe VS Wade.
Earlier this semester a young lady in this class asked her neighbor, "Why is abortion even necessary? I don't understand why you would need one." The other young woman responded, "Well, perhaps that child wasn't meant to be." [I cannot even begin to talk about the idiocy of that statement. Sadly, that's not even the kicker.] The first young lady then says, "How can that child not be meant to be if God made it?"
What do you even say to someone who wholeheartedly believes that babies are angels sent directly from heaven to bless mommies and daddies?
Let me tell you about abortions, baby girl, and why mommies and daddies make this difficult decision.
I'm sorry, honey, but the world is not a sunshiny type of place. Sometimes children are intended - mommy and daddy planned for them, they wanted that child. Sometimes children are the product of rape - a very mean man forces himself upon a mommy, and leaves behind an unwanted gift. Sometimes two individuals consensually make love and a baby is an accident either due to not using birth control, or contraceptive failure. [Holla! That's how I came to exist!]
Sometimes mommies and daddies decide together that they are not ready to be parents. Sometimes daddies run away, leaving the mommy by herself and then she decides that she simply cannot handle raising a child on her own. Sometimes mommies are still babies themselves [like my cousin Samantha - first abortion at the age of 14]. Sometimes doctors tell mommies that their bodies cannot give birth to a baby, that the mommy will die. Sometimes doctors tell mommies that their baby will be a special needs baby, and mommies decided that they cannot properly take care of that baby, and that they do not want that baby to suffer in life.
Sometimes mommies feel that they best thing they can do for their baby is to choose not to subject them to an unfair life.
All of this reminded me of a video that Eryn put on my Facebook wall a while ago.
Her name is Sonya Renee, and she is magnificent. Be prepared for goosebumps, it's magical. [Full text of the poem after the video.]
Culturally diversified biracial girl with a small diamond nose ring and pretty smile poses beside the words "women deserve better." And I almost let her non-threatening grin begin infiltrate my psyche till I read the unlikely small print at the bottom of the ad: "Sponsored by the US secretariat for pro-life activities and the Knights of Columbus." On a bus in a city with a population of 563,000, four teenage mothers on the bus with me. One latina woman with three children under three and no signs of a daddy. One 16 year old black girl standing in 22 degree weather with only a sweater and a bookbag and a bassinet with an infant that ain't even 4 weeks yet, Tell me that yes, women do deserve better. Women deserve better than public transportation rhetoric from the same people who won't give that teenage mother a ride to the next transit, Won't let you talk to their kids about safer sex, Have never had to listen as door slams behind the man who adamantly says that shit ain't his, leaving her to wonder how she'll raise this kid. Women deserve better than the 300 dollars TANIF and AFDC will provide that family of three, Or the six dollar an hour job at KFC with no benefits for her new baby, Or the college degree she'll never see because you can't have infants at the university. Women deserve better than lip-service paid for by politicians who have no alternatives to abortion, Though I'm sure right now one of their 17 year old daughters is sitting in a clinic lobby sobbing quietly and anonymously, praying parents don't find out, Or is waiting for mom to pick her up because research shows that out of wedlock childbirth don't look good on political polls and Bush ain't having that. Women deserve better than backward governmental policies that don't want to pay for welfare for kids, or health-care for kids, or childcare for kids, Don't want to pay living wages to working mothers, Don't want to make men who only want to be last night's lovers responsible for the semen they lay. Just flat out don't want to pay for shit, But want to control the woman who's having it. Acting outraged at abortion. Well I'm outraged that they want us to believe that they believe that women deserve better. The Vatican won't prosecute pedophile priests, But I decide I'm not ready for motherhood and it's condemnation for me? These are the same people who won't support national condom distribution to prevent teenage pregnancy, But women deserve better. Women deserve better than back-alley surgeries that leave our wombs barren and empty. Deserve better than organizations bearing the name of land-stealing racist rapists, funding million dollar campaigns on subway trains with no money to give these women, While balding, middle-aged white men tell us what to do with our bodies while they wage wars and kill other people's babies. So maybe women deserve better than propaganda and lies to get into office, Propaganda and lies to get into panties, To get out of court, To get out of paying child support. Get the fuck out of our decisions and give us back our voice. Women do deserve better. Women deserve choice.
Well, I give a small fuck, but the rage is definitely subsiding. I am feeling much better today. I feel like this woman I knew not too long ago - a woman I adore and love very, very much - myself.
[The new bag is magical. Snowcones are magical. YouTube is magical.]
I've decided I have enough sunshine in my heart to resume blogging on the Wasteland. Next week. Look for it.
The Bitchery will remain open. I like having the personal space.
Tomorrow I am expecting a gift from my mother - a new bag. I am hoping this will make me feel so much better about this week. This may seem very shallow and materialistic to you, to which I respond, "It is. It is, indeed. Fuck you."
My rage has subsided greatly today, much of this due to the closing of the fake Amber Jackson profile this afternoon.
I am also happier because of the knowledge that while everyone may not like me here, [that's a-ok with me] I do have a lot of people supporting me. It means a lot. So thank you:
Manda Mayo **Jess Chen Tim Auter Brady Marston Mendy Meisner Meredith Stocks Shauna Runyon Clint Gilbert Stephanie Rehkopf **Jeremy Schroeder Aaron Campbell **Ashley Smith Jan Chafey
And Clark, Eryn, and John, of course.
[Apologies to Elliott Tate - I have given you the stink-eye two days in a row. I'm really sorry, bud.]
And also, thank you to Spiritual Development. They have heard about the fake Amber Jackson, and Brad is now in talks with Scott in Student Development about how to proceed with this whole mess. Brad has heard many complaints [and threats apparently] from students surrounding the whole mess.
Today they spoke to Clark, stating they do not believe we are behind the blog, and that they support us fully.
Stick that in your rumor pipe and smoke it.
Maybe I can now recenter, put the joy back in my heart, and get back to more important matters: fashion.
Cross your fingers. We'll see how the rest of this week goes.
EDIT:
My bag came this evening. I checked my mail before beginning to study for Bib Interp. [Arguably the single most useless class for my life. MCS comes in a close second.]
I was right - it is making me feel better. I haven't made a complete recovery, but distressed gold slouchy hobo healing was definitely in order.
Also - I forgot to send thanks to Marcus Powers. That's right, I've got East Coast by my side. Soon the Bloods and Crips will be uniting under my banner. Because I am the OG.
I did laugh some today, thanks to Eryn and Mendy Meisner. But I also cried.
For anyone who knows me well, this is not a surprise: I do not cry in front of just anybody, least of all in public. I am enraged that Andrea Green saw me crying before chapel. I am enraged that Dr. Wilcox saw me tear up before class. I am enraged that Mendy saw me tear up before lunch. I am holding this individual personally responsible for my inability to control my tears. Reparations will be made.
Inane was spelled correctly and used appropriately, you idiot. Look up [sic] before you start throwing it around. In fact, come visit me in the PRC. I'll teach you all about it.
This profile is disgusting. YOU are disgusting. Your sole purpose is to flush out Amber Jackson by attacking anyone you deem a likely choice.
Amber attacks people as well, perhaps she hurt your feelings in doing so, [boo fucking hoo, by the way] but she doesn't say things that have the potential to destroy lives.
Think very carefully about what you are doing. Like it or not, this IS libel, and a legitimate and punishable crime.
Amber Jackson is leaving, but would like all to know that Clark Towsend, Danielle Marie Kellen are responsible for the chapel blogs.
They have deleted the profile. Thank you for wasting everyone's time with your idiocy. Thank you for making the last two days a living hell. Thank you for making me a heinous and bitter bitch once again.
You may be gone, but I have not forgotten. I do not plan on searching out the creator of the fake profile, oh no. I plan on exhibiting real and tangible hatred toward any and every individual who accuses me again.
In other bitchiness:
Joshua Platter was once again staring me and Eryn down at lunch today. From this point on the favor shall be returned. Eryn has named it the business face. Be prepared to see it. Frequently.
EDIT:
Were I continuing the Wasteland I would have said that today was magical. Three magnificent outfits, one directly inspired in part by Marc Jacobs.
I am immediately offended that you would be so bold as to make a public statement linking me to "Amber Jackson." Because you could not possibly have any evidence to support the claim that you are making, I insist that you deactivate this profile immediately. If you wish to discuss this matter in private I am more than willing to do so, but I consider it no less than slander for you to try and link me to the ideologies and views expressed by "Amber Jackson." If this profile is still here tomorrow afternoon at this time, I will begin the process of having the account traced.
Technically, Clark, this is libel. Slander is oral, libel is in print.
ACTJ, I don't understand your motive for this profile. It seems solely to be a desire to directly attack Clark. It is defamatory, and you haven't any proof to support your apparent claim that Clark is Amber Jackson. I don't think you fully grasp the weight of your actions. Should the administration take your allegations seriously, Clark could be stripped of his privileges, his jobs, and potentially requested to leave this institution, even if they have no proof linking him to the blog.
I hope you aren't a journalism student as you clearly have no grasp over journalistic integrity or ethics. If you are a mass communications student, I am sincerely ashamed to have you in my department and deeply concerned for the masses should you pursue a career in the media.
I also hope you aren't among those who berate Amber Jackson for remaining anonymous. You haven't stooped to her level - you've stooped much, much lower.
Who else has a key to Herrick that could get into the auditorium to take such a good picture of the banner? It would be noticed were one to take a picture during chapel... I will change the name of the profile, we may have jumped to conclusions, but several others have expressed their opinions about who the 'real' Amber Jackson, several of us believe that 'she' is comprised of a few people, yourself included. By tomorrow I will have removed the profile.
I have heard all of these rumors and others. I honestly do not care if anyone feels it is me, or Clark, or John Justice, or Kyle Sides, or Brad and Jason themselves. What I am concerned about is the lack of integrity you displayed by joining his name with Amber's without anything but your assumptions.
The auditorium is normally unlocked an hour before chapel and for several hours after. Many groups of students use the auditorium for meetings and rehearsals. Herrick auditorium is not as inaccessible as you assume. (The locks are not impossible to pick either.) You are also assuming that it would be highly conspicuous for one to take pictures during chapel. (I was taking pictures in chapel today. Did you see me?) Current Cameras have at least 5X optical zoom. (My phone is 3X, around 3 MPX.) This makes it easy to discretely take a shot from virtually any seat in that auditorium.
I appreciate your decision to remove the profile. Perhaps you have a small amount of integrity after all.
Did you honestly expect that I was going to just sit there and let you take potshots at me? Are you so immature as to think that simply because a couple people started rumors about my being "Amber Jackson" that their claims had merit? Danielle was right, you have stooped lower than this "Amber Jackson" character. Enough with the conjecture and accusations, just get this damn profile off facebook and grow up a little.
We believe (as you and Danielle believe, in writing the blog) that every persons opinion must be heard. We also have noticed that you and/or Danielle Marie Kellen have not denied being 'Amber Jackson'. At your request, your connection with this profile will be removed.
"[E]very persons[sic] opinion must be heard." You don't need to preach this to me. I have fought more for free speech on this campus than you can conceive. I FULLY believe that every opinion deserves to be heard. [You have yet to voice one.]
"We also have noticed that you and/or Danielle Marie Kellen have not denied being 'Amber Jackson'." Brad hasn't denied being Amber Jackson. Neither has Dr. Gresham. Or Amanda Mayo, or Jonathan Platter, or Matthew McGrath, or Jennifer Morris, or Abbie Dedmon, or Amy Armstrong, or Tanner Bergman, or Jenna Holt, or Aaron Pope, or Chris Schafer, or Stephen Vandervort, or Evan Mosshart, or Andy Bouseman, or Brian Woolbright, or Stuart Campbell, or Tyler Hull, or Jessica Cory . . . . .
I thought we operated in a nation where individuals do not need to prove their innocence. My mistake.
BT Dubs - you have a lot of time to promise both Clark and myself that the connection will be removed. Why is it you no time to actually remove the connection?
honestly??? may i ask why you created this profile? i can think of no legitimate reason other than straight-up hatefulness and passive aggression. i have to say i'm disappointed and embarrassed that students at a supposedly "christian" university treat each other this way. call me an optimist, but i hoped for a little more from my fellow peers.
One might also make the argument as to why Clark, Danielle and yourself created 'Amber Jackson'.... I cant understand the need to create a persona to express your opinions, rather than own them yourself...
Jonathan Platter's comment has been removed. That's shady business. Let's all get together and spread unfounded accusations behind his back. HEY! EVERYBODY! JONATHAN PLATTER IS AMBER CLARK TOWNSEND JACKSON!
Now let's get together and make an anonymous Facebook profile and title it Amber Clark Jonathan Platter Townsend Jackson.
ACTJ: For your well-being, I sincerely hope that I have never met you. Obviously you have no grasp over the person I am or the person I can become when pushed too far. If I were you, I'd begin taking precautions to make sure my identity was never revealed. I would give up vegetarianism solely for the purpose of consuming your flesh.
You've begun a witch hunt, dearie. [And honestly you've started persecuting the wrong lady.]
This bitch is on the hunt as well. You can be damn sure of that.
I'd say welcome, but I honestly don't care enough to do so. You're here. I acknowledged your presence. That's the best you get.
This is were I rant. It's going to keep me from going on a rampage. It's for your own good, really.
There will be no promises of kindness. Names might be mentioned. Whatever I feel is appropriate at the time. I will not be anonymous - it's not my style. I'll only promise this: if I say something I later regret, I'll apologize. If I am proved wrong in my judgments, I'll admit it. Save your pleas, I have no intention of listening to any Christian BS about kindness and compassion. You don't practice it, so I certainly don't see the need to. Save your biblical passages about Jesus wanting us to love one another as we love ourselves - you clearly don't understand these passages, so don't you dare throw them in my face. Call me what you will - for every pejorative you look up on Urban Dictionary, I already know five.
Why does this place exist?
Read the last post from Wasteland. That roughly covers it.
The details of the hatred are as follows:
* Punk I've never even seen before accosts me on the sidewalk, calling me a bitch. I assume this is due to the blog, as I have done nothing remotely bitchy in a very long time. * Continuous rumors that I am Amber Jackson. Most assuming this also assume that I am a cold-hearted bitch who must be detested. I wasn't before. I am currently trying to figure out if this is now true. * Jonathan and Joshua Platter staring down me and my dear friend Eryn while we are trying to enjoy a meal in the most detestable dining hall ever. I have never even properly met these boys. Now I have no desire to ever meet them. Or anyone else new, for that matter.
I will bitch about any and every one of you as I damn well please. You piss me off? It goes on the blog. You act like a little shit? It goes on the blog. You ruin any more of my days in the slightest way? It goes on the fucking blog.
